And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
