dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
