OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
