You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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