Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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