Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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