I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
