yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
