after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
