so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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