i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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