Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
