Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think your dad took our porno
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
