lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
