Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My liver just had a heart attack.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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