You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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