he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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