who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
