take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
