Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
