I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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