im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i think im in europe. pls send help
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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