How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
third nipple confirmed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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