just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
