good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
