road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
