I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
