I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
