just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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