Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
