I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
