Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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