So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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