Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
