I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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