You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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