Just cropdusted the office
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
