Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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