I don't think brook has ever known best
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
