he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
