Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
