The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
