and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
