I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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