u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wish my penis had a tongue
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
