you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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