I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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