I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
