I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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