So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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