Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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